i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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