Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Of course I have a pirate flag
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