Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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