The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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