i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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