Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
