She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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