I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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