I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's just like the Real World with babies
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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