I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
