I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
