Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
