Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize
