ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
