Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
