Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
