I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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