i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
