in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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