i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
