Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
