My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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