they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
