He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
