So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
