Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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