He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
