Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We have so much sex to catch up on
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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