She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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