She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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