No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
