dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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