I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
