READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My feet surprised me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
