I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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