He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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