Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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