Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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