What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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