I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
