plz talk dirty to me
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
