So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
vagina is talking i cant
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
