dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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