So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
