So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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