Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
