I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
