life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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