i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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