My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
