Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
