does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
