Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
