sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I intend to get homeless drunk
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
