More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
