Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
