omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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