Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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