i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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