So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sext me about skeletons
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
