Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
